Monday, January 30, 2012

Conservative Princess News Headlines Yippee!

Actually, contrary to that banner above, today's news headlines were chosen by Conservative Princess herself!

But before we get to that, I just want to take a moment to speak directly to you out there reading this. In that last piece I wrote about how I was angry at Al Franken, I probably shouldn't have said I "hated" him, because it seems to have gotten some of you a little riled up, and you started writing my boss Alicia telling her about your violence fantasies. You have to please go easier on her, Alicia is not from America, you know-- she grew up in New York!
LOL just kidding, NYC! But my point is, if you get excited and want to write to a girl about running Al Franken over with your pickup truck, please do NOT write my very sensitive genius boss Alicia about this, just email me at pattriot209 @ gmail dot com and everyone will be a lot happier, LOL

I don't want to give out my personalf Facebook but I'll have a work FB for you guys to interact with me at soon as well. You'll be able to leave your manifestos there instead of on Alicia's wall, LOL

And now, without further ado, may I proudly present:

Headlines they don't want you to read chosen by Conservative Princess:

Yippee! Thanks Conservative Princess! Catch you guys next time!
Patt ƪ(ˆ◡ˆ)ღ

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Proof of Al Franken SOPA/PIPA Lies OMG!

by Investigative Reporter Patt Riot

OK Alicia American, my boss, assigned me to cover PIPA and SOPA and told me to like find a “new angle” on it. I read everything I could find on the net and decided the only way I could really get a new angle would be to do what nobody else would have ever dared to do before-- TALK TO DEMOCRATS OMG.

OK so I went undercover as a Demoncrat in Minnesota and hung out in Starbucks wearing a “Save the Whales” t-shirt until I gained the confidence of a young radical leftist lesbian. I only had to live with her a week as her lover before I was able to obtain this SMOKING GUN by spying on her email.

Yes, it seems Ms. Radical Leftbian is on the mailing list of unAmerican Socialist Senator Al Franken (D-MPAA)! And the letter I found that Al had written to my roommate was so shocking, you'd better sit down before reading further.

Unless you've been living under a rock, you know all about how the Devilcrats in Congress, who are not humans but slave property owned by the entertainment industry, have been attempting to end freedom in America and establish a fascist dictatorship ruled over by Christopher Dodd in Hollywood. And even though We The People killed SOPA in the House and PIPA in the Senate, Hollywood just ordered the Justice department to go to Turkey and arrest the innocent people running Megaupload! As far as they're concerned, the decision has already been made, we already live under Hollywood fascism, and if we don't like it, then we can just sit home playing cards because that's the only entertainment left they haven't trademarked.

Now this letter from Franken asserts that he knows all of America and the world wants things to be free, but the decision has been made that we will not be, and that is that. Here, in Franken's words:

As you may know, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has decided not to bring the PROTECT IP Act (the Senate’s version of SOPA) up for a vote next week. And since I’ve heard from many of you about this issue, I wanted to take a moment to share why I support copyright protection legislation – as well as why I believe holding off on this bill is the right thing to do.
As someone who has worked hard to protect net neutrality, I understand as well as anyone the importance of keeping the Internet free from undue corporate influence. There are millions of Americans who rely on a free and open Internet to learn, communicate with friends and family, and do business.
At the same time, there are millions of Americans whose livelihoods rely on strong protections for intellectual property: middle-class workers – most of them union workers – in all 50 states, thousands of them here in Minnesota, working in a variety of industries from film production to publishing to software development.
If we don’t protect our intellectual property, international criminals – as well as legitimate businesses like payment processors and ad networks – will continue to profit dishonestly from the work these Americans are doing every day. And that puts these millions of jobs at serious risk.

OMG OK I don't know where to begin, but why don't we just start with the LYING??? LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE OMG! Al Franken, if that is your real name, YOU LIE!

If people in show business gave a rat's ass about protecting the copyrights of giant mega-corporations, then WHY THE HELL DOES ALICIA KEYS' HUSBAND ACT AS FIGUREHEAD OF MEGAUPLOAD? Why Al, WHY did so many big stars do an ad for Megaupload recently? If they felt it put their “livelihoods” at risk?

You creepy shill Franken, the only jobs that might get cut back in Hollyweird are the hookers and coke dealers that the uber-execs might not be able to afford as many of now. This does NOT affect artists or regular people AT ALL. However, breaking the internet to please Hollywood DOES affect regular people and artists.

Here's some more of what Franken has to say:

Frankly, there is a lot of misinformation floating around out there: If this bill really did some of the things people have heard it would do (like shutting down YouTube), I would never have supported it.

OH REALLY, YOU CREEPY LIAR? If it wouldn't kill YouTube, then WHY did Universal abuse its legal rights and make false copyright claims to take down the YouTube video in favor of Megaupload? When the world saw that happen, EVERYONE UNDERSTOOD THE MOTIVATIONS OF HOLLYWOOD TO FORCE US TO LIVE UNDER THEIR FASCIST CONTROL.

Al Franken is either blind to that (doubtful) or else, more likely, Al Franken WELCOMES OUR NEW INSECT OVERLORDS!

Minnesota, I beg you, elect a real Senator, not one bent over to please Christopher Dodd.

Please follow mt boss Alicia on twitter:
& my twitter is
Autofollowback for conservative tweeps! Sweet!

News Headlines from Conservative Princess! Sweet!!!

OMG hi it's me, Patt, Alicia's new intern! Sweet!
I didn't actually pick out these headlines, they were chosen by
The Conservative Princess Lisa Chapman!
Without further ado, here they are:

GodfatherPol: Rick Perry's Unfortunate Bid

ConByte: Newt Gingrich's H8red of the Poor Ignites Conservative Voters

Vision2America: Y U should Fear SOPA & PIPA

Thanks, Conservative Princess!
OMG I have an article coming up l8r 2day about SOPA, PIPA,
and the LIES that AL FRANKEN is telling to try to get them passed OMG!!
Don't miss it! Please come back at lunchtime!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

OMG Hedlines from Conservativ Princess OMG

OMG LOVERS we have new hedlines from Conservativ Princess yo,
how badass is THAT?
But we also bring bad news-- we will B OFFLINE 2moro (Weds)
becuz of SOPA/PIPA in Congress OMG!
Wikipedia, Reddit, & a buncha othar websights R going DOWN & OUT
this weak on Weds 2 show wat wuld happan if Congress passes tha EVIL
bills called ethar SOPA or PIPA.
Theze bills wuld giv tha movie & muzic industrys powar ovar free speach
& wuld end all websights that link
(which is neerly evry single websight).
It wuld end wikipedia, kill Youtube, dastroy Google,
all in tha name of tha stupidast old bastids in show biz
who dont know how 2 sell in tha 21st century.


& now 2days hedlines OMG Yay!
OMG LOVERS theze hedlines wer pickt out by Conservative Princess:

TheBLAZE: Huntsman Drops Out, Whining

TheBLAZE: Y I H8 Raligion but Luv Jesus

REDST8: Tha Evanjelalical Vote

PATRIOTUPD8: Rush Limbo Bashes Obama

PATRIOTUPD8: Obamacare Price Controls


Friday, January 13, 2012

Friday Tha 13th News


REDST8: Duz Mayer Bloombarg Have a Problem With Ur Drinmking???

VIZION2AMERICA: Nikki Haley Disrupts Tea Party:

GODFATHER POLATIX: Taxes That Didant Exizt 100 Yrs Ago:

OMG LOVERS I am like SO glad 2B back OMG
O luv eech & evry 1 of u MMMMWAAAAH!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Darrell Issa vs. SOPA: Tha Battle Ragez On Yo omg

OMG its me Deb OMG wat a buncha hedlines OMG Hooray!

My Sistar's Twitter Freind Darrell Issa is like TOTELLY BADASS YO!
REDST8: "Darrell Issa Gets Clever Against SOPA"
OMG Lee & I luv tha werld but H8 SOPA omg

TheBLAZE: Ron Paul Peeps Cat-Fiting With Majer Media

FrontPorchPolatix: Duz Mint Ronny Know tha Constitution??

Godfather Polatix: OMG tha 20 Hour Work Weak??!!??
I culd NEVAR werk that meny hours in a weak om I nead 2 like lay down now from thinking about it omg

P8riotUpd8: Obama 2 ID All Intarnets Userizers??!!?
OMG I'm a intarnets userizer OMG OMG!

& Last but most certinly not leest,
HERITAGE: Beneath Growth... a SEA... yes, a SEA... a sea of POIZON OMG OMG!!!
Thats 2 bad yo cuz I was hopin 4 tha Sea of Holes or tha Sea of Grean Hooray!

OMG reed my sistar's twitter cuz its like totelly badass

Monday, January 9, 2012

DebbieNiews 1/9/2012


REDST8: MITT RONNY: Corprit Raidar or Capitaliest Hero?

CONByte: OMG Mint Ronny Got Arrestid OMG!

TheBLAZE: Giant, Fat, Rich Chris Christie Verbully Abuzes tha 99%

FrontPorchPolatix: Obama Alice in Wonderland Party Cauzes Hangovar

GodfatherPolatix: Bullies Nead Pratection from Fascist Librals OMG!

OMG dont 4get 2moro is TCOTuesday,
Tha TCOTtiest day of tha weak Hooray!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

OMG Debbie's News Hedlines Hooray!

OMG its me Debbie American Hooray!
Alicia is outta town on bizniss 4 a few dayz so I haf2 fill in on tha blog
but I've like nevar dun a politaclanal blog B4 so like
dont B 2 hard on me if I screw up like I already did on twitter OMG

Hedlines U Mite Hav Missd compilld by Debbie American Hooray!


FrontPorchPolatix: Rick Sanatorium's Tax Plan Hooray!

OMG Im so tired that was exhausting omg I dont know how Lee duz it omg

Tuesday, January 3, 2012